Have you ever wanted to write a letter to someone and tell them something you couldn't tell them in person, but wanted to?  That's me right now.  If you want to read my letter for someone read on.
( Read my letter... )

Have you ever felt like you weren't yourself?  Like you weren't living the life you feel that your suppose to? That's how I feel.  I want to change my life.  To reinvent myself.  I don't know how though.  I don't know anything and it scares me.  I might just be feeling emotional, but I've been thinking about it now for awhile.  Can you tell when you see me walking down the hall?  Do you even notice me?  Do you try to meet my eyes?  Can you tell I'm thinking about something?  Do you ever wonder what?  Do you even care?
I want to do so much, but how?
I want to slowly change myself, but retain the essential part of me.  It doesn't feel like this is my life.  I want to go back and start over.  Can I do that?  If I can where do I sign up?  I want to let go.  Of everything.  All of my problems, thoughts, everything.  Does that sound drastic?  There are so many things I wish would go away, people included.  that sounds harsh.  I don't know what is going on anymore.  Everything is different.  I want to go swing.  I want to swing higher and higher leaving everything behind, until I can fly.  Then leave it all behind.  This isn't making any sense.
I want everything to change.  I'm not living in the right time period.  This isn't the life I'm suppose to live, this isn't me.  I don't know anything anymore.  I want it all to change or go back to before. 
I want to live.  What would that entail exactly?  Life is going by so fast, I can't keep up.  It's junior year and my life feels like a one way track.  How will I know I've reached my destination.  Will I cease to exist?  I don't know what being alive means.  I want to feel it.  Feel life running through my veins, breathe it in.  Does this sound weird?
I want to know how many people's lives I have affected, have I even done that?  It feels like I haven't done anything.  I want something to happen.  Have I changed your life?  Did my way of thinking influence you in some way?  Was it for better or worse?  If my seat were to be empty the next day will you notice?  What thoughts would run through your head?  I'd notice if someone was gone, would I get the same treatment?  Do I deserve it?  So many questions, so few answers.  Would even care I wasn't there?  How about the next day? How many days will go by until you notice or care?  Well, I feel silly now.
I'm reading Before I Die by Jenny Downham it's making me emotional that's all.  Strike through and erase everything else.  Forget I even said anything.

Hey All.
I doubt anyone is really reading this, but oh well. =]  Not much has been going on in my dull life.  Over the summer I went to Texas to visit my grandma.  Trust me: you do not want to sit on your rump for over 27 hours with only a few breaks in between ranging from 10 to 30 minutes.  I had fun, I haven't seen my grandmother in a year so it was great caching up.  I've lost a bit of weight, not very noticeable though.  I got my license so I drive everywhere.  It is fun.  Nothing much else happened this summer.  School started and I have great classes.  I have three classes with one very good friend.  Although I didn't move up in choir.  I'm still in Belle Voci.  And this year, it's just horrible.  We can't even all sing the same pitch at the same time.  Much less tune a chord.  I hope it gets better, but those hopes aren't too high.  I have a class with this guy, Mike.  The people over on the dating thread on the lexicon know all about him.  The thing that makes me happy is that he no longer creeps me out.  At the start of the year I couldn't stand being in the same room with him because I was hyper aware of him and it was disturbing, now I don't care.  Today is the first time I don't have homework over the weekend since school started.  Woot!  Hmm, I was going to say something but I cannot remember what.  *thinks and ponders*  Oh yes.  Over the summer my grandma noticed I was lusting after some things in BCBG and said that if I lost more weight by summer she would buy me all the clothes I want from what ever store I wanted.  I have a small fascination for designer clothes...  And my dad said he'd give me ten dollars for every pound I lose.  I think that is motivation enough.  I like clothes, especially designer clothes.  I'll have to push myself a lot, but it will be worth it. =]  I think my favorite designers right now are YSL (rip) and Chloe.  Then one day after school I was talking to two of my friends and I bring up YSL and they looked at me very strangely.  They didn't know of him or that Coco Chanel and Giorgio Armani were real people.  they said I had a murderous look in my eyes. That made me smile.  I can't imagine how someone does not know that.
That is just a brief update.  So long for now.

Yesterday I had the great chance to go see Stephenie Meyer at the Mall of America.  I live about 50 minutes away from the MOA so after picking up one of my friends we left town around 6:55 am.  We went in through the main entrance to the mall and went to Barnes and Noble.  All the stores were closed and the MOA had erie feeling to it as we walked through the halls.  We reached the Rotunda soon enough and the line was already long.  If you have been there this will be easier to visualize.  The Rotunda is a circular area with on one side an elevator and an entrance and the entrance to the underwater adventure, on the other side is the entrance to Nickelodeon Universe (formally known as the park at the MOA and before that Camp Snoopy).  Well the line started on the side where the park is and then wrapped around the rotunda pass the elevators and into the adjoining hallway.  We had a spot next to the elevators.  At a bit after 8 am they started selling the books and screams of joy could be heard.  We stood in line for about half an hour.  We bought our books and received our wristbands.  Since many of the shops weren't open yet we bought something at starbucks and found a giant black cushion right next to the rotunda and began to read the host.  Sometime around 9:30 we began to shop.  We spent our day up until 1:30 shopping.  Some fans though stayed and read the whole time, only leaving occasionally.  We ate lunch and then did a bit more shopping until 2:15-ish when we decided to go back to the first level.  We went into barnes and noble and went back to the black cushion to read some more.  Around 3 pm my mother told us we should go sit in line so we can get our books signed quicker.  At around 3:45 we went to get ice cream at coldstone after knowing that some Twilight Lexiconers were going to meet there.  We didn't meet everyone that was going to be there, but we did meet EbonyCircles.  *BIG WAVE IF SHE'S READING THIS*  After talking to her a bit we all walked back with her to the rotunda.  We found my mother where we left her and after giving her her ice cream she left to wait for us and read Twilight in Spanish.  We waited in line until around 5:30 when we were squished together to fit more people.  Then a few minutes before 6 pm the Barnes and Noble person announcing came on stage and everyone just stood up and listened to him.  All of a sudden I heard sequels up towards the front where Stephenie was near the stage waiting to go on.  She walked on and more screams could be heard.  She decided not to do a presentation and reading, but to answer questions only and then sign books.  I recorded the whole thing on a voice recorder and took many pictures.  After she was done it was about 6:30.  We waited in line for another half hour.  We had our books signed exchanged a few words with Stephenie, she really is sweet, and got off stage.  A woman took a picture of my shirt which Stephenie commented on.  Then we waited for my dad who was on his way to pick us up and passed the time by reading.  The day was over much too quickly, but I enjoyed every minute of it.  Below are the pictures and videos of the event.
I will pst more stuff later. =] TA!

I just finished reading the book Just Listen by Sarah Dessen.  It's a good book I highly recommend it.  Dessen's stories are always so real, something that could happen.  It's often I read a good book but reading a book that makes you feel something is rare.  Not even my favorite book, Twilight by Stephenie Meyer, reaches that level.  While Meyer's books provide me with an amazing love story that cannot be ignored and just keeps you captivated, Dessen's are slower paced but still hypnotizing.  They make me feel like the story is moving at a real pace that it's actually happening.  I've only read two of Dessen's books they both left me mesmerized, pensive.

I get home from school today and I start thinking to myself about something I posted last night on the lex.  I was on the thread Weird facts about yourself.  So of course I tell everyone about my weird self.  Then I started to think up of other lists.  And well now continue reading if you want to know random things about me in LISTS!

My illness has not gotten any better. =[  My voice basically gone.  And I am in choir, so that is awful.  I was carrying around my writing notebook to be able to talk to my friends.  And if I answered a question in class well I had to whisper, and the whole room would be dead quiet.  :/  quite unsettling.  I really hope tomorrow will be better.  Maybe next week I can have my voice back?  Oh dear I hope it does.  Well I should go finish getting ready for confirmation tonight.  I haven't read the chapters yet, I am not participating in discussion am I?  Well I shall go now.  Oooo, I also get to stop at Target to buy Valentine's day things.  hmm, perhaps I shall purchase a white board?

Okay, TA! 

Wow that was short

I normally have a lot on my mind.  And I just needed a place to put it all.  I really don't care if anyone reads this but, I guess it's more of a way for me to get everything out, you know?  It's not that I have a stress filled life, I just like to talk... A LOT. 
Well, a bit about me you ought to know?  I am a female.  I am obsessed with the book called Twilight.  I write fan fiction.  And there is not much else I can think of at the moment.  Although I will say I am in high school.
The most stressful thing in my life right now is that I am recovering from a cold/flu like thing.  I had a fever friday and saturday night.  On Saturday I started to lose my voice.  And on Monday and today it was practically nonexistent.  =[  Which might be another reason why I'm on here so that I can say what I want without worrying my voice will crack/disappear, or I have to whisper.  I think I deserve a nap right now, since I have virtually no homework.
There can be a lot more I can say but I think that is all for now.  until later.  TA!